The following poems / odes / sribblings are from my days fresh out of school. Many of the views presented here I do not believe now or have sorted out and come to peace with.

there are only two people in this world that have read these to date, so in a sence this is a release from the trials and tribulations of days now past.

Please ignore any spelling or gramatical errors as these are direct transcripts and have not been edited from when they first hit the paper.

Stuart

Enclosed in my self-imprisoned cell,
only the music a release.
On the otherside continual Parental interuption,
This soothing Solitude and escape.
Thhis madening Solitude driving lunicy and anger.

Musical Chants are phrased
Images and ideas swirl in the brain
the time wasted
brain numbing bordom
the need for constructive actions
if not for the music, insanity would advance.

The call of beckoning waves is in the air
A driving force to leave my cell,
as TV turns boring
the pictures are old
the room such routine.

Dec 1995

Death, DEATH! No one gets out of here alive,
Release of the soul into a newborn awakening
on the otherside,
How unjustifably Thrillfull it is strung upon us,
Why are we never for the inevitable?
The pain of loss and questions why rape the minds
of the survivers left with a hole in thier life,
To be filled with memories and tears
But never seems to fill to the top, always something missing…

So much unsaid, Questions unanswered,
Time Lost, regrets linger

Life through Death
the end has always been there
Yet it still leavesus, no matter how prepared,
left to conquer and/or cherish the worst of emotions the rock
the boat of happiness and sanity.

We are being led to the slaughter
into the darkness we march day by day
A place unknown we head
the unexpected we face.
What’s on the other side of morning?
Embodied with curiosity we fear.
What will become of a soul when the flesh has withered and perished?
A kingdom beyond death?

The myster of death eludes us all
with only one way for it to be solved…

“We live we die
and death not ends it,
Journey we more into the nightmare”
-Jim Morrision

Jan 1996

Family,
Relatives
Friends
Workmates
These Grim pickings don’t fit my description of
random natural Selection.
So Many dropping like flies around me,
Brings images of my own flodding to the surface,
And Silently Disturbs me….

Imagine nothingness
Surrounded in black
Nothing to see
Nothing to hear
The loneliness
The emptiness
Just a sea of black
And an insane silence

Self alienation
Mental reclusiveness
Mesmerized in a vast darkness of the mind

Sanity is not one lose….

(16/4/1996)

Temptation, Lust, Habit
Versus sense, decency and Logic
Both sides stand strong
After a year
The line is hard to drain
And the curtains hard to close

The want,
The need for those other fish in the sea.

A witness to a blind friendship
A friend hung up on a first serious partner
Wanting to say something
But respect must stand
Respect for his judgment
From outside I can see her real personality
Though his inside view is tainted by the want
for a girlfriend fed by desire
from personal experience I have learnt
therefore he shall learn also,
that first are always the most blinding.

Her feelings towards me, might bias my judgement
But it is always the same deal irrespective
of what I think of her and her of me.
I bid him all the best…

Dedicated to a best friend.
(1997)

House becoming small
Parents always on my back for something
The privacy of a crowded room
Questions of what Im doing
Were Im going
Who Im with
Why do they need to know so much
They don’t respect my want for freedom of action
Moving out is on my mind
To leave home
To discover and learn the facts of life and my self
Hopefully soon…

Condemned by workmates
Condemned by a friend
My mind is being corrupted,
Into something Im not
Need for revolutionary & independent way of thinking
To break from my former young, innocent, uneducatedself
Problems arise
Immediate action and growing must happen
Causing a “from the frying pan into the fire” effect
All this sudden pressure
“Real life” pressures on my head
Tension at work
Tension in a friendship
A holiday? That would be running from it
This must be faced and endured
And all will fall in to place – Fingers crossed…

That so called milestone – 21st
Now the line “ Act like an adult” rises
I try, yet I keep getting it wrong
They say “the right attitude and believing in yourself
Will bring me success”
I believe I’m good
My attitude is ?

Why do I not proceed